It’s been two years since I started working and I am finally bored
Office doesn’t excite me anymore. I have stopped looking forward to the next day. I hate going back to home at 7 because I know that the next morning, I will be sitting in the same chair, around same people with same voices, same insecurities and same lame intentional jokes.
That could also mean that I am bored of the place where I work, I am bored of the work I do, I am bored of the people I am with and more importantly I am bored of the work I do.
And that is all correct. However, I also understand that even if I switch and go to some other office, which will probably pay me more than what I get right now. Maybe I could even persuade them to send me on a paid vacation trip to some exotic place every year.
But what is the point of all this? I will be coming to the same chair the next day, or day after the next day or maybe a week later- doing the same monotonous work, talking to same uninterested people, smoking from the same pack of cigarettes, stalking the same out-of-my-league women.
I cannot swallow the fact that for a guy who could not spend more than two hours playing a same game ever is now sitting his ass off for 9 hours, writing articles, analyzing spreadsheets, compiling data, scheduling meeting and to top it all off, planning strategies to improve productivity of the project.
Shit. Damn. Fuck me.
How did this happen? I was never somebody’s pet in my college. I did what I enjoyed and never cared about anything. But to tell you the truth, it was around the placement season I presume. Looking at everyone getting ready for some bigass IT firm interview that hired everyone to work on computer, I guess a part of me died a little.
The dreams with which I joined my college, had already faded away. But this, this was something different. This was pure submission. Submission of mechanical engineer who built whole goddamn motorbike for international events sat for the interview. Submission of a writer who could kiss your soul with his poems and a little bit of whiskey in your system. Submission of a singer who never missed a chance to sing, to jingle on his guitar, even if it meant being ragged.
Denial. Anger. Bargaining. Depression. Acceptance
And the beautiful thing about life is. No matter how much you prepare yourself for the worst, you always end up doing the exact same thing that life expects you too. And that is what happened to me as I too got ready for an interview I never wanted to sit in. And I guess that is what happened to that MechHead, that writer and singer as well.
While organizing an open mic in Bareilly, I happened to meet Arvind Joshi- In a conversation about choice between what we long to do, and what is the sane thing to do, he said- “What world expects of you is either balance or total submission. You either give in to its rules and become of many or you make a deal with it- in which you agree to some of its points, and make it agree to some of yours.”
So I guess that’s what we are still capable of- Sealing a deal with the world. Maybe we will do that. And maybe the world won’t accept, maybe we will fall back down, Maybe we will get terribly unsuccessful with our plans and I guess that is when the balancing will help, as we will have something to fall back upon. And if we fall back down, we will make a deal again, a logically better one. And hope for the walls of world to crumble into the dust.